Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
