Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
