Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i think i just lost a toe
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