So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
