can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize