It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
