shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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