Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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