Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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