Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
