and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
