I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
