so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
