My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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