If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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