Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
