Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
