Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
