we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
