having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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