I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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