I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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