If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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