He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
