You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
