Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
