Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
