my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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