if you like me you must not know who I am
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
