someone get that fucking seahorse.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize