Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
