why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
