idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
