no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
