for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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