I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
