It's Friday. Sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
