I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
