this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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