Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
