that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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