If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As shirtless as possible
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
