i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
