i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
