You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
