new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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