He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
foreskin is a definite game changer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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