Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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