im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
