I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
