I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
