covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
