it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
