$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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