Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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