tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
