Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need a beard to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize