just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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