just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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