So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We left the knife in your bed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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