everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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