Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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