Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
