What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
