i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
