That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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