I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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