I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
