I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
