saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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