dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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