a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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