I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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