Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
