I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
