watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize