in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
