she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
