who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NoShamevember. You game?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
