Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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