Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
