I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
